So, did you step on to the scale this morning, reluctant to fully assess the damage of yesterday's feast?
Or, did you leap on the scale this morning, see a smaller number, and congratulate yourself on a day of successfully limiting what you ate?
Neither one of those is wrong, exactly. For people without eating disorders, that is.
But for those of us who've dealt with the exquisite anxiety of counting every calorie, calculating how to "work off" every calorie, and in general not being able to think about anything else , a holiday can feel like a master class in how to fake it so your whole family doesn't know the emotional turmoil you are feeling.
For birthdays, my one friend used to beg her mom for a fruit bowl, instead of a cake, so that she wouldn't have to face trying to not eat it. When you get older, and you have to plan for and cook that monstrous amount of food, only to sling it around the table with hospitality and kindness instead of putting it all down the garbage disposal so you don't have to try to resist it.
So maybe yesterday went well, or maybe it didn't. Remember, it's a not a win or a loss. You are working on building a relationship with food that is healthy, just as if it were another person. If you got a little salty with a friend one night, you'd try to do better the next time you met, right? The good news is that today is another day and you can try it again. The really good news from yesterday is that Jesus left behind an empty grave and found a new, perfect and heavenly body, and so will you someday! Whatever misery the scale brings you is temporary. It is mired in humanity, and it is not your final destiny. Because he loved you (that's right, the person you might think is so unloveable), Jesus underwent an agonizing experience just so you could have hope in that very fact.
I'm not saying it's easy to get through today, it isn't. It sucks. You're sad, defeated, and so so tired of the whole cycle. It's exhausting to hate yourself that much. I get it. But grab on to that hope! You're going to put one foot in front of the other today. Seek to pursue those impulses which might be the Holy Spirit trying to lead you tiny step after tiny step out of this sad, tired place to one of peace.
It might sound too good to be true, but I promise you that it is possible. God moves mountains. Changes the hearts of kings. Do you really think a little serotonin rearrangement is to much for him? I'm not promising an overnight shazaam kind of cure. It took you a while to develop all those toxic thinking patterns, and it will take a while to un-program them. But, you can do it . . . because the Holy Spirit will walk right beside you as you do. Just don't stop walking, not today, not ever.
Or, did you leap on the scale this morning, see a smaller number, and congratulate yourself on a day of successfully limiting what you ate?
Neither one of those is wrong, exactly. For people without eating disorders, that is.
But for those of us who've dealt with the exquisite anxiety of counting every calorie, calculating how to "work off" every calorie, and in general not being able to think about anything else , a holiday can feel like a master class in how to fake it so your whole family doesn't know the emotional turmoil you are feeling.
For birthdays, my one friend used to beg her mom for a fruit bowl, instead of a cake, so that she wouldn't have to face trying to not eat it. When you get older, and you have to plan for and cook that monstrous amount of food, only to sling it around the table with hospitality and kindness instead of putting it all down the garbage disposal so you don't have to try to resist it.
So maybe yesterday went well, or maybe it didn't. Remember, it's a not a win or a loss. You are working on building a relationship with food that is healthy, just as if it were another person. If you got a little salty with a friend one night, you'd try to do better the next time you met, right? The good news is that today is another day and you can try it again. The really good news from yesterday is that Jesus left behind an empty grave and found a new, perfect and heavenly body, and so will you someday! Whatever misery the scale brings you is temporary. It is mired in humanity, and it is not your final destiny. Because he loved you (that's right, the person you might think is so unloveable), Jesus underwent an agonizing experience just so you could have hope in that very fact.
I'm not saying it's easy to get through today, it isn't. It sucks. You're sad, defeated, and so so tired of the whole cycle. It's exhausting to hate yourself that much. I get it. But grab on to that hope! You're going to put one foot in front of the other today. Seek to pursue those impulses which might be the Holy Spirit trying to lead you tiny step after tiny step out of this sad, tired place to one of peace.
It might sound too good to be true, but I promise you that it is possible. God moves mountains. Changes the hearts of kings. Do you really think a little serotonin rearrangement is to much for him? I'm not promising an overnight shazaam kind of cure. It took you a while to develop all those toxic thinking patterns, and it will take a while to un-program them. But, you can do it . . . because the Holy Spirit will walk right beside you as you do. Just don't stop walking, not today, not ever.
Do you find yourself obsessing over calories, or limiting what you eat? Do you find you can't seem to be happy, no matter what the circumstances are? When Christians talk about joy, do you have no idea what they must be talking about? Or, when Christians say that you should love yourself, does that sound impossible, or even stupid?
Then you need my book. And, it's coming out soon! I'll periodically post sections from it here, and if you ever want a copy for yourself, just email me!
Then you need my book. And, it's coming out soon! I'll periodically post sections from it here, and if you ever want a copy for yourself, just email me!
